This will hopefully bring all of you lovely readers lots of laughs at my past stupidity. I mean in the past with dating in relationships I really sucked. I mean I sucked so badly that I was a sexless being for almost three years. Yep, a dry patch to end all dry patches. I hope through my past failures you too can learn something from this, if not only to think a bit introspectively. By that I mean think inwardly. I often think I’m the only one that’s been as stupid to do all of this but I’m sure it’s been done a million times over.

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The sad thing is that I would always blame the other party and that I was always dating people that just weren’t in to me at the start. However, once I grew up a bit I began to realise that it was me that was creating the problems for myself.

Anyway, here is my list of shame:

  • Appearance

This is probably one of the worst I’ve done, and one that I always look back on and cringe at – but I was going out on a date with a lovely lady and all my clothes were in the washing. (I wasn’t the best prepared person in my earlier years) so I just turned up in old, worn clothes that didn’t go very well. I looked like a scruffy f*ck. Sadly to say I never seen her again! First impressions last, if you’re a scruffy uninterested prick then that’s how they’ll judge their entire life with you.

  • Being Too Heavy

There have been several first dates I’ve been on in the past where I’ve also started to get a bit heavy, talking about love and marriage – needless to say they’ve ran a damn mile. It was only later on in life that I realised to live for the moment and forget about the future. I’ve always wanted to settle down into a nice relationship and I wanted that too fast for anyone to take me on board.

  • Sex, we all want it

Sex in my opinion is a thing that “just happens” it’s not a thing that should be co-erced, asked for, or forced. Sadly on dates I’ve talked about sex a lot, thought about sex and just damn right asked for it. Now I guess you may think there’s not too much wrong here and that’s all young, hot blooded males think about, but a woman is all about making a nest, a family, a home and security for her and her children. The minute you give off signs that you’re hungry for sex, she’ll run a mile – because they need to know you’re not going to f*ckem and leave ’em. Keep it on the low on early dates, let things just happen.

  • Talking about myself only

A good one to point out and it dies in with the first one but there have been several dates I’ve been on where I’ve only wanted to talk about myself. Now, in my defence that’s because at the time I wasn’t very educated and yes, myself was the only subject that I knew about. But you’ll seriously come across as an arrogant, disinterested w*nker by doing this. Even if it’s hard to concentrate; listen to her and take in what she says. Remember it too!

  • Urgh, aftershave

I’m laughing while I type this because I’ve done this SO many times it’s unreal. It may not be a date breaker but learn to not put so much aftershave on that they need pest control to de-fumigate the area. So many times I’ve went on dates with enough aftershave on my chin and neck to supply the next quota for Boots the Chemists. Put on a little bit, just enough to smell, not enough to pollute the air around you.

Last, but not least

Talking far too much about my previous partners: Not that I’ve had many but however short a period they lasted I was always bangin’ on about how horrible they were and this and that and the next thing. All well and fair but the last thing anyone wants to hear is how so not over the last person you were with. Dating is about getting to know another person and what the future will bring. Yep, you have a past but keep it to the positives at the start.